


You by my side

by LouiseFox



Category: American Horror Story
Genre: F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Tim and Jude fucked, i refuse to belive otherwise, i want them to be happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:15:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29822715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouiseFox/pseuds/LouiseFox
Summary: AU - basically just me making Jude happy.English isn't my first language.Originally posted on Wattpad @TheEchoingGreen.
Relationships: Timothy Howard/Sister Jude | Judy Martin





	1. You by my side

Jude looked over the tables, making sure that everyone was gone. It's been a very long day and she was relieved to finally be able to go home.

"Sue, Honey? I will go now", she shouted towards the brunette woman at the other side of the room, "Greet yar husband from me, and again I'm sorry I don't manage to get free next weekend!"

Actually she was quite relieved she couldn't join their barbeque. She hated to go under people and preferred to sit in her apartment and read. For the first time in her live she didn't care to be alone. Not that she was completely alone, not since Kit got her out of Briarcliff and helped her back to a normal, liveable life. No week went by without her visiting him and the children which she grew very fond of.

Her way home wasn't long, so she decided to walk every day. There was no reason for needing a car – she wouldn't have freely driven one anyways. Of course she was completely sobber now, but guilt still crept inside of her just thinking about it.

She unlocked the door to her small apartment and sighed. Her back hurt and she just wanted to lay down.

That's when her phone rang.

"Fuck....yeah, hello?"

"Good evening to ya too Jude."

"Shut up. I hope ya have a good reason for annoying me this late Mr. Walker."

"It's utterly sexy how ya say that. Say it again?"

The blonde woman rolls her eyes. "Shush. So?"

"How was yar day?"

"Exhausting. Long. And I would love to go to bed now."

"...nothing more?"

"What do ya want to hear from me Kit?"

"I thought ya and the guy from next door would go out for lunch?", he sounded eager to get more information out of her.

"Well...yeah? We did. But it wasn't much of a thing. He's nice, nothing more."

"So no second time?", she could tell he was grinning.

"Bye Kit. I want to go to bed. See ya soon?"

"Oh, yeah, wanted to talk 'bout that as well. Julia asked if ya want to come over? She saw ya sewing something a while ago and asked if ya would show her."

"Uhm...sure. But I have to work."

"I know. Is Sunday good?"

"Yeah. And now let me sleep."

"Fine."

She laughed:" Yar an idiot. Why are you even awake?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Okay. Good night Kit."

They hang up and she could finally fall down on top of her bed. She was so tired that she fell asleep without getting the chance to change clothes.

*

She got up early, showered and had some breakfast while reading the last chapter of a book she started some days ago. She just came to the last word as the phone rang.

Eyes rolling she went to it and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Judy. I'm sorry to call you, but David's been sick for days now- and we need someone for the first shift. I know that today is your shorter day, but could you manage to jump in?"

She thought for a short moment. Actually it didn't matter. A few hours more or less won't hurt her.

"Okay", she answered and looked at the watch, "But I will be a few minutes late."

"That's fine, thank you!"

She sighed. Whoever is running that restaurant should start to organize things better. Why did they need to find someone on last minute if David's been sick for days? But whatever. She laid down the book , put the plate into the sink and went to change clothes and put on some makeup.

*

Jude looked through the room and sighed. Is the whole city here today? Her shift just didn't seem to end. Why did she even take this job? There could have been so many things she could have done with her life, but now she's a waitress in this place and spends her days working too many hours for money that is not really worth it. But it's still better than sitting around all day. Besides, she needed the money.

Being lost in her thoughts she didn't notice a man walking in. She didn't realize who he was until she was on the halfway towards his table. The blonde woman was sure the shook was written clearly on her face as she turned around again.

No. She couldn't face him. What was he even doing here?

"Sue? Honey, do you see this man over there?"

"Yeah? What's with him?"

"Please take his order for me. I couldn't promise to not pour something hot over his head."

With that she walked out of the room, towards the restrooms where she let her guard down and started crying. She couldn't know that meanwhile the man was talking to her co-worker, asking about the blonde who disappeared with a look on her face as if she was about to throw up the next seconds.

*

It took her some minutes to calm down.

Okay Jude, she told herself, Timothy is out there. You don't have to talk to him, you don't have to look at him. Just ignore him. He isn't worth it.

But of course she couldn't ignore the man who locked her up for years, took her identity and stripped her of her dignity. She would have given everything for him, and he used her to get to his position now.

She couldn't stop another rush of tears.

*

"Judy? Hey, sorry, I have to go now. I don't know what's up with you and the man over there, but he's your problem again- what happened to your face?"

Jude took a deep breath:" What do ya mean?"

"Have you been crying?"

"What...no! Of course not. Just, uhm, allergic to some perfume flying 'round here...ya know?"

She knew Sue didn't believe her. "Right. Okay, see you“.

"See ya!", she put on a smile. Fuck. How could she possibly survive this?

Hoping to look more confident than she felt, she went towards him. He looked good. Still, after all this time she could feel her heart twitch looking at him.

"Can I bring ya something?", the blonde asked coldly.

"Jude. You look...great. I didn't expect to see you here!"

She couldn't supress a bitter laugher. "Where did ya think to see me then Timothy? Dead or just locked up in Briarcliff?"

"No...I mean-"

"I don't want to hear it! Give me yar order or fuck off!"

The brown-haired man looked at her in shock by her tone. Something in his eyes seemed to sadden, he looked as he was guilty. She nearly believed him. Nearly. But he couldn't trick her anymore. She learned her lesson with that.

"I'm sorry Jude. So, so sorry. I did you wrong. You didn't deserve this."

"Damn right! I didn't!", she already felt people turning and starring at her, but she just couldn't stop. She felt tears running down her face. "I trusted ya! Ya left me there, ya forgot about yar promise just to get to what ya want! I regret believing in yar dreams, in you Timothy!"

Once again she turned around and walked away. She couldn't bear to watch him any longer.

*

She walked out of the building. It was dark, cold, and somewhat frightening. The sooner she got home the better. Jude wanted nothing more than to sleep and forget about this day. Forget about the man that will for sure haunt her dreams again.

The blond woman pulls her coat tighter around her trembling body, not noticing the man behind her.

"Jude!", someone called out, "Please, Jude. You owe me at least this!"

She didn't want to turn around. But her legs didn't belong to her anymore and they did anyways.

"What do ya want from me?! Go back to yar church and obligations and leave me the hell alone! I don't owe ya anything!"

"Maybe not", he went closer towards her, "But please. I will beg you if I have to. Let's walk together. Please?"

Jude watched him. He seemed so desperate. Something inside of her got soft and she found herself nodding.

"Fine.", was everything she said.

They walk for some time until Timothy stops and reaches for her hands. He touched her quicker than she could process, so it was already too late when she wanted to pull away.

"Jude. I know I failed you. I failed you in so many ways. Please let me try to make it up."

"Timothy...", she closed her eyes and continues softer than before:", Ya hurt me. Very much. I...I loved ya. And you threw me away."

His eyes seem to sadden again. Dark pools, filling with water. On the edge of breaking down. "Rare Bird...I know that. I used your love. I destroyed you with it, I made you to my little marionette. And I regret it with every breath I take."

" 'won't make up the years I spent there."

"...I know. And I swear to you, I will manage to make you happy."

She slapped him. Hard across the face. He decided that he deserved it.

"Bloody Bastard! I am happy – but not because of ya! Kit rescued me, Kit gave me a life, a family! Something I ever dreamed about! You got yar fame, and yar positions and everything ya wanted!"

"The dream was nothing without you Jude.", Timothy held her hands tighter, as if he didn't want to let them go, "It should have been you and me. Not me alone. I know it is my fault. I can't change it now. But I am able to change the future...I..."

"You?", she tensed. He held her in place, maybe not intentionally but the grip around her hands was strong.

"I left church. Jude...I was such a fool. I was so blind and dumb to see."

"See what?", she swallowed hard.

"Everything I needed was you by my side."


	2. Promises

'Everything I needed was you by my side.'

Jude didn't know how to react. What did he expect from her? He left her to rot years ago and now he's here again, offering her what she dreamed about for so long.

"Timothy...I..."

"You don't need to say anything Jude. Let me walk you home. I'm sorry."

She managed to nod and then lead the way. This was a huge mistake, and she knew it. She wished with all her heart she had never agreed on talking to him ever again. He deserved to suffer for what he did, but still...she loved him. All those years later.

He pressed a soft kiss on her cheek when they stood in front of her apartment. She could feel he was disappointed and sad, but he didn't show her or expressed it otherwise.

"Good night Jude. I hope you found some happiness."

For a minute, maybe more, she watched him disappear down the street. Then she couldn't bear it anymore.

"Timothy!"

He didn't hear her first, so she walked after him, shouting louder.

"Tim!"

The younger man turned around and looked at the blonde woman.

"Pick me up tomorrow! And don't ya dare to be here too early, a woman likes to have enough sleep!"

*

Timothy didn't know how to feel. There were so many emotions, so many thoughts in his head, he just couldn't sort them. The former man of the church felt blessed, most of all. He did not really believe that Jude would listen to him, yet alone agree on meeting him again. But she gave him this chance and he intended to do everything he could to show her how sorry he was, that he's changed and that he will never leave her again. Not unless she wants him to.

*

For some odd reason Jude spend her entire morning walking around in her apartment, not knowing what to do, feeling excited and nervous. But it was just Timothy, she told herself. The man she used to look up to, the man she loved until he threw her away. She guessed another person wouldn't give him the chance she did. Someone else would tell him to go and never come back again. But the blonde woman couldn't, as much as she wished she could.

But now she knew how it's like to not be listened to, to not be taken as full. The years she spent as a 'patient' in Briarcliff made her experience this in full terms. She had seen the truth, had even told it Timothy, the man she trusted the most, and not even he had believed her. Instead he used her to look her up and hide the truth, to get whatever he wanted.

But even when he promised to get you out, even when he saw the devil inside Mary Eunice himself, he didn't do anything.

Jude couldn't remember much about her time there. They drugged her and burned her brain away often enough to make her really mad indeed. But she remembered when she sat in the kitchen with Timothy, not able to really move because of the strong medication that was flowing in her veins. He had told her. Told her what Mary Eunice did to him, told her about how blind he was and that he should have believed her. Years later she was still there. Stripped of everything. Even her identity.

She started to ask herself if agreeing on seeing him again was a mistake. Kit would tell her it's wrong, probably. And then beat Timothy's ass for returning. She couldn't help but laugh at this. Yeah, Kit wouldn't have reacted like she did.

She just finished applying some light red lipstick as the doorbell rang.

"Hey.", she said as she opened the door, "Gimme a moment, will you? I need to turn off the oven."

Some time ago she decided to try on baking, which was better than spending hours on walking around.

"Of course.", he stepped inside and closed the door while she disappeared inside the kitchen. She heard by his steps, that he was walking around. "It's nice here", she heard him say from the living room.

"I guess it's okay, yeah, thank ya Timothy.", she followed him in the room. He looked nice. 'Normal' clothes suited him, in fact he looked very handsome.

"You look lovely Jude.", he gave her a warm smile which she shyly returned.

"Thanks. So do you."

He looked out of the window for a moment, then turned back to her. "Would you like to go out for lunch with me?"

She agreed and soon they left the building to find a place they liked. They both agreed on Italian, immediately finding a passion they both shared: pasta. Secretly, Timothy preferred her cooking over everything else, but after that it must definitely be the Italian noodle creations.

They shared some nice time together, talking about every random thing that came to their mind. They tried to find a way talking around the subject what happened in the last years, which was in interest of both of them. Jude soon realized again why she used to like him so much. He was funny and smart, managed to make her laugh all the time. If it weren't for the memories that still haunted her she could say, it felt like them being lost friends, soul mates that found each other again.

But forgetting wasn't that easy.

"Jude?"

"Yes?", she looked up to him.

"You've been so quiet the last minutes. Are you okay?"

"Yes. It's just...ya know. This is strange."

"I know", he looked at her with his deep brown eyes for which she fell all over again, "I am so fucking sorry for it."

She reacted in a way he didn't expect she started laughing.

"Why are you laughing?", the former cardinal asked a little unsure and reached for her hand over the table.

"Ya just said 'fucking' ", Jude giggled and wiped tears from her eyes.

He couldn't prevent to laugh too. "Yeah Jude, believe it or not but even I know how to swear."

"Obviously", she calmed down again and took a sip from her soda, "Btw, I never asked ya where ya staying?"

"A hotel a few miles away. I didn't think about a job or a place to stay yet. At first I wanted to find you."

"So you expected me to still be at Briarcliff?"

"...yeah. I would have gotten you out. This time for real."

She inhaled deeply. Everything seemed to spin around her.

"Jude? I'm so sorry. I will make it up, I promise."

The older woman looked at him and just nodded. She couldn't manage more. She didn't have enough strength for it.

"I loved ya so much Timothy.", she managed to whisper after a moment.

"...do you love me still?", he asked after some seconds passed.

"Yes.", she looked him in the eyes while saying that.

"I love you too Jude. Please forgive me for being so blind."

"..I will Tim.", she replied softly, "But I will need time. I don't think I can ever forget what ya did to me."

"I don't expect you to!", he said louder than needed, "I know I did horrible things to you. I don't want you to forget that. I only ask you to offer us a new start, so I can show you that I changed."

Jude nodded:" I will. But believe me when I say, that if you ever dare to hurt me again I will kill you."

*

After a walk in the park Timothy took Jude home. He gently kissed the top of her head and wished her a good night. Jude's heart seemed to hurt when he was gone, and she was alone in her small apartment again. She started to hate being alone again. She craved to be loved and touched, to kiss and to laugh.

But she couldn't risk trusting him so soon. Besides, he was a man of the church. She couldn't even think normally about such things with him. Of course she fantasized it before...but it were just fantasies. Now it seems so real, so close, so...possible.

She went to bed, feeling somehow relaxed and happy. Maybe she would manage to be happy with him. Maybe he was really changed and would give her what she needed.

*

Jude was waiting for Kit to pick her up. As she had no car, he had to drive the whole way to her, but he didn't care. She was always welcome to him and he enjoyed having her around. Normally she spend a few days more with them, but as she had to work Monday he would have to bring her home again in the evening.

They drove in silence, which was strange already. Normally she couldn't stop talking (neither could he). But the silence faded as soon as they entered the house.

"My god...Ya two have grown so much!", Jude giggled as she picked Julia up and patted Thomas' hair.

"We missed you Nana!", the young girl squealed happily and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck.

"I missed ya too my angels", she kissed the girls head and put her down again. She felt happy and sad at the same time. Having children was everything she ever wanted. But now she could care about Kit's children, spoil them as if they were her own. It was the closest she came to having her own babies.

"Are ya hungry Jude?", Kit asked her and brushed his hand over her back before he went into the kitchen.

"Oh lord...don't tell me ya tried to cook?", she had a playfully terrified look on her face.

He laughed loudly:" Ya should see yar face Jude. No, I was kidding. We're all thrilled for ya to work some magic in the kitchen."

"Is that so, Mr. Walker?", she teased back, "Only here for my cooking skills, am I?"

"Of course not", he smiled at her and gave her a cup with coffee., "We love having ya here. I still don't see a reason in ya moving away. Ya could have stayed here and could have cooked for me every day", Kit gave her a wide grin.

"Kit...we already talked 'bout this. I just need a live of my own. Ya did so much for me already."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Are ya at least happy there on our own? How's the job?"

"It's nice", she sat down, "A little lonely sometimes, but I rather enjoy it."

"I'm glad.", he sat down and reached for her hand, "Yar always welcome here."

The blonde woman smiled:" I appreciate it."

"Now back to cooking."

She laughed:" I'll ask the kids what they want, then make it. Talking 'bout them, where the hell did they go?" She had looked around the room, but they were gone.

Kit just shrugged:" Playing something, I suppose."

"Mhmm."

"Jude?"

"Mhm?"

"Are ya okay?"

"Yes.", she looked at him, "Why are ya asking?"

"Ya seemed so off this morning. I dunno. I just wanted to make sure."

"I'm okay Kit.", she assured him and pressed his hand. Something inside of her wanted to tell him about Timothy, but she guessed he would just get angry. It was such a good day, and she couldn't ruin it.

"Don't ya trust me Jude? Ya know I'm here.", was he hurt? Something in his voice made her tell him.

"I met Timothy."

"Like in Timothy Howard?"

"How many Timothy’s do we know? Yes, the monsignor. He went to eat in the restaurant I work."

"Oh shit", concern talked out of his eyes, but he gritted his teeth in an angry way. Kit pulled his hand away from her. She could tell he was trying to control himself, "Did he do something to ya?"

"No Kit! No...he just...talked. He followed me when I left and apologized to me."

"I will kill this little piece of shit!"

"No...Kit! Calm down, let me explain, okay?"

"Are ya protecting him?!", he yelled at her and jumped up, "Are ya fucking serious?! Have ya forgotten what he did to you?!"

His sudden burst of rage scared her.

She got up and left the room. She couldn't stand Kit screaming around like that.

"Jude...I'm sorry", he grabbed her arm and made her look at him, "Look, I don't think ya should trust him. I can't allow ya that. He hurt ya so much Jude."

"Do ya actually think I forgot that Kit? The nightmares still haunt me. I will never forget this again. But he changed, I could see it. I agreed on having dinner with him and it went very lovely. I had fun, he was nice. He left church for me. He gave up his dreams to find me and make it up...and then we suddenly met in the restaurant.", she looked at him and slowly smiled., "I think it's really possible that he loves me, as he said. I need to give him this chance, even if I end up broken again."

"If he hurts ya Jude..."

"Don't worry. I will cut off his dick myself."

They couldn't help but laugh.

"I still don't trust him Jude.", Kit admitted, "I will support ya as much as possible, but I don't want him near my children."

Jude kissed him shortly on the cheek. "Thank you. So...where are the little monsters? I thought I should cook something!"


	3. Do you want me still?

"Okay look", Jude said with a sigh, raising her index finger at the red-tigered animal with green eyes in front of her, "I can feed ya. Sometimes. But I won't keep ya. I don't have the time for ya. Understood?"

But the cat just looked away, as if she wanted to show her that she didn't care.

"Why am I even talking to ya? Yar a cat."

She rolled her eyes at herself, feeling like giving up as the doorbell rang.

"Stay there. I don't want ya to sneak around here."

She brushed her blonde bangs out of her face and rushed to the door.

"Oh- good evening Timothy! I'm sorry- did I forget about a date?"

They have met several times since he took her out the first time. Jude didn't want to rush anything, so she tried to take it slow. They both agreed on that, so they would really know each other and had the chance to get used to this situation. He was always very sweet and caring towards her. Sometimes he seemed to be shy, but Jude guessed that was because he spend most his life in service of the church and never dated a woman before.

Jude felt embarrassed of the thought to having forgot about meeting him.

"No. Don't worry. I was just near and thought if you would like me to keep you some company? We could order something to eat later and watch a movie?"

"Sounds perfect!", she immediately agreed and gave him a happy smile, "Come in. Sit down, I'll be with ya in a moment!"

"Who were you talking to?", he asked curious and went into the living room.

"Ah- yeah well, there's this cat coming by ever few days. She sits in front of my kitchen window. I started feeding her, now she doesn't want to go again."

"Doesn't she have an owner?"

"I never saw a collar on her. And she is too thin for a housecat."

"Then keep her?"

Jude sighed:" I don't think I have enough time for that."

"But you're here in the evenings? She wouldn't have to sleep outside- and also could keep you warm in lonely nights."

She could tell Timothy was grinning. But he made her feel like she was wrong and actually should keep the goddamn pet.

"Ya know what? Why don't ya get yarself an abandoned animal and leave me alone?", she muttered and closed the window. The cat was still inside.

"Fine!", she told her, "But don't ya dare to make a mess!"

The cat seemed satisfied. Jude shook her head and joined Timothy. He sat on the couch and read the first page of a book she started.

"You like fantasy?", the dark-haired man asked her surprised, "I actually never thought you're into stuff like this."

"There's nothing I wouldn't read. I love reading."

"I do too.", he put the book down and smiled at her, "Why are you standing there like this? Come here."

She realized she was still standing in the doorframe and sat down next to him.

"How was your week Jude?", his hand brushed over hers. Flames seemed to burn through her stomach, making her skin tickle in a very nice way. The touch was so innocent, yet it made her body arche into its core.

"It was alright. I'm...I'm glad yar here.", she leaned her head against his shoulder, "I missed ya. Why didn't you answer my calls?"

"Uhm...yeah, I'm sorry 'bout that. I've been busy Jude. I tried to find a job and a house. And I got lucky, with both of them. I took a job in a Sunday school. It's not much, but better than nothing. I actually just looked for something because I got bored.", he kissed her head at this point. It was such a lovely gesture, Jude's heart melted from it, "And with the house...I found something nice outside the city. But it could need to be modernised a little. The furniture is a little...ugly." He laughed softly and she joined him.

The older woman closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. He held her close.

"I will buy it in a few days.", he continued.

Jude looked up:" Pardon me asking Tim, but how do ya intend afford it?"

"Well", he scratched his head, "I don't really. But my family does. You see, they are wealthy. My mom was so angry when I left England to become a priest in the states and to kick by doing that the family business with feet. But we are on good terms now."

"Oh...yeah. Okay.", she closed her eyes again. Slowly, she got a guess who donated every now and then to Briarcliff some money to keep it running.

"I wanted to ask you Jude...if you would like to move in with me? I know- it's kinda early. But I love you and I want you there with me."

"I...Tim...I don't know", she pulled away and looked at him again, "I don't know if that's right. I just started to get used to my life here-"

"You will still have that life, but you can be with me. I could help you with your cat", Timothy smirked at her and she replied with an uncertain smile.

"Okay?"

"Okay.", he cupped her face and suddenly his lips were on hers.

She wanted to back away, surprised by the feeling of his lips on hers. But she relaxed soon and returned the kiss.

"Tim-", she breathed heavily after the long, gentle kiss. He probably had never kissed a girl before, but god, that man could kiss! "Fuck. I wanted to do that for so long now-"

He just kissed her again.

Her hands moved to his back and his hands pulled her on his lap. He wasn't sure if that was right to be honest, but the way she clinged to him and kissed him back told him she liked it.

"Jude", he broke the kiss and cupped her face, "Be my girlfriend. I want you by my side...I want to give you all the love you deserve."

The next kiss grew more passionate, but this time Jude broke it.

"Tim- please, I want that too...but there are things I need to tell you."

"Like what rare bird?", a concerned look crossed his face, and he moved his hands to her waist.

She got down from him. The blonde woman couldn't bear to be so near to him while talking about it.

"My past is...it isn't nice Timothy. I'm not even near holy and I can't promise that ya will still want me after telling you."

"I will always want you. Nothing can change that Jude. You don't even need to tell me, I don't care."

"You will!", tears started to stream down her cheeks, "I was a whore Tim- I took their money in exchange for my body! I was so desperate after my boyfriend left me- we were so young...but he destroyed everything! That damn boy fucked around, got me syphilis and when I confronted him a day before our marriage – told him I could never have children because of it – he accused me of being a whore and left me! I have been a virgin before him and never let touch anyone else my body...I just wanted a family! He destroyed my dream."

Timothy caught himself speechless. "Jude..." No, he wasn't angry at her. It was this man he was angry at, the man who did that to her.

"Just go Tim...ya deserve someone younger than me, someone who can give ya everything ya want-..."

"I don't want someone Jude. I want you. I don't care."

She took a deep breath and looked away. "I killed a girl. Or I thought so. I was drunk, I drove the car. And I just left her there without checking on her. I know now that she survived it...but I still...I still-" Her voice broke while crying.

He sighed and took her face in her hands. "That's horrible, but most people would have done what you did. I'm sure she's living a happy life now. Hey- stop crying Jude. I'm here, I want you, I don't care about your past. We all did mistakes."

"Why are ya so fucking nice to me?", she wiped her tears away with the back of her hands, "Don't ya want children and a young girl to live as long as you do?"

"No Jude. You, only you.", his lips found hers again, "So you will give me the honour and become my girlfriend?"

"Yes", she laughed happy, tears still streaming down her face, but this time it were happy tears, "Of course I will!"


	4. Cookie

"Do we already have a name for our cat?", Timothy shouted from the soon-to-be living room, a brush in hand, trying to get the white colour on the wall.

"Our cat? Since when is it our cat?", she yelled back from the 'kitchen' – it was actually just a broken oven, some counters and an ugly old chair.

"Since you didn't even want it! If it weren't for me the poor thing would still sleep on the streets!"

Jude rolled her eyes and continued to make sandwiches:" Fine! So? Ideas?"

"Cookie."

"You must be kidding!"

"I like it."

"...yar like a child Timothy."

"And? I think it's the best name possible."

Who would have thought of Timothy Howard like that? If someone would have told her years ago that she would find herself renovating a house with the monsignor, naming a cat 'Cookie', and discussing daily about if they could have chocolate cake again for evening – to her defence, her cake was really heavenly good – she would have laughed at this person. But here they were – being in love and soon moving into their own home. They haven't shared more than wonderful kisses yet, but it was no problem. They loved each other and that was enough, there where still some barriers between them and they probably just needed some time more.

Jude picked up the sandwiches and went into the living room with them.

"Looks good", she commented as she watched him painting the wall and sat down on the floor next to him as there was no furniture.

"That's good, cause I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here.", he kissed her cheek and sat down next to her.

They ate in silence and then continued to work on the room.

*

Timothy had soon started to sleep in her apartment. There was obviously no reason in not sleeping in the same bed and sharing rooms, as they would soon move in together anyways. Still, it would take a while more, Jude was still working through the week, so he had to get everything ready on his own – and Timothy wasn't the best at that.

They took the weekends and seldom free days to work on it together. As soon as they had the bedroom, the kitchen and the bathroom finished, they would move in.

"What are you thinking about my love?", he pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, gently brushing a blond strand out of her face.

"Us", she whispered in a tired voice and shut her eyes, "There's something I would like to ask you."

"Hm?"

"Do ya want to sleep with me?"

Him laughing softly wasn't the answer she seeked for. Jude turned away a little angry.

"Hey- don't be angry. Of course...I just...", he sighed and kissed her shoulder gently, "I want you as much as you want me Jude. I just don't think it's the right time yet."

"When is the right time then? What are we waiting for?"

"Jude...I would like to marry you before we have sex."

Now she laughed. "What the fuck? Why? To keep our virginity or what?"

She held on. She realized she stepped on a nerve. "Fuck- Tim- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I just don't understand why?"

The former man of church sighed. "Don't worry. It's okay. No, this has nothing to do with Mary Eunice. I just want you to be my wife first, I want us to be bound. I want to give you more than a fuck and some kisses. You deserve more."

The thought of getting married terrified her. "Is that some sort of proposal?"

"No", he grinned and kissed her forehead, "Sleep now. You have to work tomorrow."

*

Jude eyed him weirdly. It was creepy.

"Honey, could you please stop to stare at me?", he pleaded and held back a laugher.

"Yar having pizza for breakfast. Cardinal Howard is having pizza for breakfast."

"Shut up", he laughed and threw a mushroom after her. He refused to eat them, he didn't like the spongy texture.

She pursed her lips and crossed her arms in front of her chest. The mushroom hanging in her blonde locks.

"Take it out of my hair!"

He laughed hardly and got up, picked it out of her hair. She still seemed annoyed, so he kissed her lips and soon she relaxed.

"Calm down. When do you start to work?"

"In two hours."

"That's early.", he noticed.

"Well...yeah. Kinda."

"Okay.", he kissed her forehead and continued to eat the pizza leftovers.

Jude rolled her eyes smirking and started to look for Cookie. But the tigered animal seemed nowhere to be found.

"Have ya any idea where Cookie is?" She still found the name silly.

"Yes, 'have seen here sitting in the shower."

"....what the hell is she doing there?"

"She watched me a while ago while I was showering. Maybe she wants to shower too."

"Wait, so our cat is allowed to shower with ya and see ya naked, but I can't?", she sounded slightly jealous.

"I never said you couldn't see me naked. I just don't want to shower with you, cause I know how this will end."

"Would that be so bad?"

"God...Jude.", he sighed, "We already talked about this. After we marry."

"This is dumb! We're both adults! I would love to sleep with you before I die an old people's death! It's nice that yar young and have enough time, I don't!"

She was angry. And he couldn't really blame her. She was partly right, it made no real sense to wait. But it also wouldn't do much damage if they waited.

"You are not old Jude."

"I'm 52 Tim! I mean I understand that yar kinda shy and have no idea about that thematic but it's not like I couldn't show you!"

Timothy massaged his temples. She started to annoy him with this a little. Couldn't she understand how strange it was to him? He was in church since he finished school, the only interaction with a woman he ever had was with Mary Eunice – and the devil possessed nun raped him, took his virginity.

"Jude!", he screamed at her now, "I don't want to! Not now!"

"So the whole fucking after marriage thing was just because you don't want to?!", she screamed back, and he could see that she thought it was her fault. Her next words would confirm that, "Do I look so bad? Are ya scared ya would take off my clothes and find some ugly old lady under yar?!"

"Do you even hear yourself talking Jude?! You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen! I'm just not comfortable with it!"

"Fine!", she screamed and stormed off. The door loudly shut after her.

Timothy bite his lip. He felt misunderstood by her and wished, she would understand it. Maybe after she calmed down he would get the chance to explain his feelings better to her.

*

It knocked. Twice, then the door opened.

"Hey Jude...may I come in?"

"Yeah.", she turned around on bed so she would face the wall instead of him.

"Let's talk please. I just ask you to listen to me Jude."

"Fine."

"Okay look Jude. I didn't want to make you feel like I don't think you're desirable. You are. You're so fucking beautiful and I do want you. But what Mary Eunice did is stuck in my head. She destroyed me and my believes back then. I hated it. I felt so violated. And I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. So I thought, if we wait after getting married, I feel better with it. Cause that's 'approved' by god. We would be husband and wife. It would be...holier."

"Why don't ya talk to me about something like that?", she asks softer and turns to him again, "I'm sorry for acting like a bitch. Please forgive me for that. I just felt unwanted by you."

"A man must be blind to not want you Jude. I do. Just not now. I'm sorry."

"Okay Tim. You don't have to apologize. I understand."

Timothy went to her and sat down on the bed. "Should I bring you to work today?"

"I would love that."


	5. A family

' "Okay...just to get that straight, yar moving in with Timothy?"

"Uhm...yeah.", Jude twisted around the phone cable around her finger.

She hadn't had a chance to tell him. Well, actually she had. But she was secretly afraid of his reaction, so she didn't tell him more than her dating him. But soon she would move with Tim in their house and it was important to her that Kit knew it.

"Aren't ya angry?", she asked after a long moment of silence.

"I just think yar incredibly dumb and naive! He will break yar heart Jude! He will hurt ya again...I couldn't stand that. Yar important to me."

"He won't Kit. I told you this before. This time will be different."

"And if not?"

"Then I'll forget about men forever. I will come crawling on my knees to live with ya again", she rolled her eyes and couldn't help but laugh, "Yar the most caring person I know Mr. Walker. I don't even deserve it, yet yar so afraid of me getting hurt."

"I really care Jude."

"I know Kit. He will show you that he won't hurt me again, believe me."

"Oh will he?"

"Yeah. He asked if you would like to come over for dinner one day."

Kit didn't reply for a few moments. Then he carefully said:" Alright. But the kids stay at home."

"If that's what ya want." '

*

Jude just finished setting the table. It's been two weeks since they finished most of the house and decided to move in. It was nice, both of them enjoyed living together, there wasn't anything they didn't get along with.

In the mornings they would eat together, then Timothy would drive Jude to work. He spend the day fixing around the house – the blonde woman was good enough at giving him orders on what she wanted to be done. He secretly enjoyed it; she was great at choosing the right wall colours and the right decoration.

"Timothy? Could ya please open the door? I think he's here. I have to look after the food.", she shouted while heading to the kitchen, hoping she wasn't too late. For a few minutes she had forgot about the meat in the oven. Luckily it was still perfect.

She could hear the two men talking so she hurried up a little with getting the food out of the oven. She turned it off then went to them.

The tension was clear in the air. She already expected it, Kit was so eager to protect her that he would obviously not trust Timothy. Especially not so soon.

"Kit!", she hugged him tightly and smiled, he did the same.

"Good evening Jude. Ya look great!"

"Thank you", she blushed a little at the compliment and took a step back away from him. "Come, I'll show ya the house!"

*

After showing Kit excited the rooms of the first floor Jude led him back in the living room where he sat down.

"Do ya want a drink?", she offered him with a smile.

"Sure. Btw, where did yar boyfriend disappear to?"

Jude shot him a look. He was mocking her. "Shut up. I will go make ya yar drink now and see what he's doing. Meanwhile you sit down at the table, we can eat in a minute."

*

"Timothy? Hey- what are ya doing in here?", she found him in their bedroom upstairs. "Are you okay?"

The dark-haired man sighed. "He hates me."

"Well-", she could lie to him, but they were always honest to each other, "Yes, I think he does. Do you blame him?"

Of course he didn't. Kit had every reason to hate him. "No. It only shows me how protective he is over you."

"He is.", she sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "Kit forgave me Tim. I did horrible things to him, he forgave me. Show him that you mean it. He will forgive you after some time. Now come, dinner is ready."

*

They had a actually nice evening. Kit and Timothy came along alright- she suspected they behaved for her sake. She didn't care as long as it worked. It was important for her that both of them managed it somehow as she loved them both in a way.

Kit went home a while after eleven, wishing them a good night. Jude promised him to visit him and the children soon again. She felt guilty now for not having been with them in what feels like weeks.

"Jude? Are you tired?"

"Hm? Oh, no, actually not. Are you?"

"No.", he walked over to her and sat down. "I think it went well."

"Yeah, it did. He was calmer towards you than expected."

Timothy gave her a nod. "I'm glad he cares so much for you. And I'm glad he got you out of Briarcliff."

She didn't know what to say so she looked at his handsome face and smiled slowly.

"Jude? I want to ask you something. Did you and Kit ever- uhm...you know?"

He had wanted to ask this for a while now, but it felt wrong to. It wasn't his thing, and he had no right to.

"No. I like him, but not like I like you. Jesus, his kids call me Nana."

Timothy nodded and smiled. He wouldn't have cared anyways. He got up again and continued to clean up the kitchen. She stayed in the living room, he guessed she drowned a little in her thoughts. When he was finished ten minutes later he went back to her, only to find her sleeping on the couch. So much to her not being tired.

"Come love. You're tired.", he gently shook her shoulders. "Let's get you to bed."

*

Timothy woke up before Jude and decided to let her sleep. Carefully he stood up and made his way downstairs to have some coffee and breakfast. Yesterday they had had breakfast in the garden that came with the house. He smiled at the memory of it. She had looked so beautiful in the sunlight. Especially when she smiled. It made his heart fill with so much love for the former nun.

"Tim?"

He looked up and saw her standing in the doorframe, wearing his shirt. It looked adorable.

"Jude.", Tim smiled. What would he do without her? How could he have been so foolish and blind?

She yawned and walked to the fridge. Opened it, closed it again. She sat down against him at the table.

"Don't you want something?", he asked and looked at her once again.

"Mh-hm", she shook her head, "No. Too early."

A few seconds later Cookie made her way up to Jude's lap. His love picked the cat up and pressed her half against her chest, half against her face.

"So the cat gets good morning kisses, but I don't?", Timothy grinned at her, she only sighed.

"Is everything okay?", he asked, and a concerned look crossed his face.

"Uhm...yeah. You know, Kit asked me to visit him again. Him and the children. He said that yesterday evening. I feel bad now for not having done that in a while. They cared so good for me."

"Do you want to visit them today?"

"I promised ya to go out with you."

"It's okay. We have every time in the world. You could call him, I drive you and if you want I pick you up in the evening and we have dinner.", he suggested without hesitating. He didn't really mind, he just wanted her to be happy.

"Would that be really okay?", she looked at him and let the cat down.

"Of course love.", the younger man reached for her hand and held it, "Don't worry. I want you to be happy and they do make you happy. Besides, we can't keep the children away from their Nana."

Jude laughed, threw her head back. He loved it when she did that. He chuckled and got up to clean his plate. He knew how much it could embarrass her to be called that. When they first started dating, Julia - Kit's daughter - had called Jude, but instead he answered the phone.

' "Hello? Nana?", the young girl had asked shyly. Timothy was confused of course and thought at first the girl may had dialled the wrong number.

"Pardon...here's Timothy Howard. Who do you want to speak?"

"Nana. Uhm....", the little girl seemed to think, then shouted, "Daddyyyy, what's Nana's name again? „He heard some voices talking.

Then the girl continued:" I'm Julia Walker. I would like to speak Judy Martin." '

He could laugh at the memory. Jude seemed so embarrassed when he told her to answer her "granddaughter" on the phone.

Timothy could hear Jude walking to the phone and calling Kit. He smiled to himself. Yes, the other man really did manage to give her a family.


	6. Everything I want

Jude kissed him. Her hands were resting on his shoulders, while her legs were wrapped around his waist. Both knew the should probably stop it now. But it felt too good.

"Tim-", she breathed, her voice sounding hoarse.

"Yes uhm...", he gasped and broke away from her. In this moment everything seemed like nonsense. He wanted to take her right here in the garden, under the trees on the grass. But he knew he would regret it.

She cleared her throat and got down from him. "I should uhm...go inside." Without waiting for his reply she walked away.

Timothy stayed a while outside longer. It was nice weather, not too warm, still a little fresh, but he liked it outside.

When he came back inside he didn't find her. She was not downstairs, so he decided to look in the second floor.

"Jude-"

He held on. There were sounds coming from their bedroom. It took him a moment to realize what it was: moaning. Jude moaned. For a second he thought she was in pain until he understood what she must be doing. It was strange to listen to. But somehow he liked it. His face turned red when he heard her calling his name.

He wanted to see it. But he feared that it might frighten her. Still, his feet carried him to her.

It was probably the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Her lips were parted, eyes closed. Her dress was lift up, to bare her legs and the treasure that laid between them. He had never seen her naked. He actually never saw a woman naked. He had no idea this could be so beautiful. The way her fingers moved in a gentle motion inside of her- it took his breath away.

"Timothy!", she called out his name. But of course she didn't expect him to actually stand in their room, starring at her.

She quickly covered herself and sat up: „What in the name of god are you doing here?!"

He closed the door behind him and walked to her. Timothy had no actual idea what he was doing. His lips found hers and one of his hands travelled down there, where only a few seconds ago her own were. He wanted to feel her, to give her pleasure.

Jude grabbed his hand and helped him to push deeper inside her, she guided his fingers in a way she liked and soon he knew how to do it, so his love would moan and cry and grab his back in a way that would for sure leave marks.

When she finished (Timothy actually knew that - he had read some of her books and understood when she told him she would come) he kissed her again gently and she started to cry.

"Jude? Please stop to cry rare bird. I'm here. Is there something I can do?", he didn't really understand her emotional outburst.

Her sobbing calmed down after a moment and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry", she whispered as he stroke a tear from her cheek.

"Don't worry. Do you...want to talk?"

"No- I just...this was nice..."

"Then why are you crying?", his voice was so soft, and she felt like crying again.

"I love ya", the blonde woman whispered slowly and looked at him.

A warm smile reached his eyes. "I love you too."

*

"Hey Judy! Can you wait a moment-"

Jude turned around and saw Sue walk after her. The brunette woman reached her breathing heavily.

"Sorry, I didn't hear ya.", she apologized and crossed her arms. Actually she didn't want to talk to Sue. It was nothing personal, she liked her co-worker in a way, but she could be a little too much sometimes.

"I wanted to talk to you a little earlier- but I couldn't find you. Anyways, I thought maybe you would like to visit me and my husband? You could bring your husband with you, I saw him picking you up every day. I didn't know you were married! Btw, where is he? Won't he pick you up today?"

The blonde woman felt a little showered with questions. "Uhm....he isn't my husband Sue. We're-"

"Oh that doesn't matter! He seems nice!"

Jude knew she couldn't tell her no forever. Besides, Sue was always nice to her. There was no reason in saying no.

"We'll be happy to come.", she smiles at Sue, "But I need to hurry now, I have to catch a bus. I will call you, okay?"

Sue seemed satisfied. "Great!"

She sighed and continued walking.

*

"Tim? I'm home!", she shouted while closing the door with her foot, holding some mail in one hand.

"Great- uhm- Could you please help me in the kitchen?"

She hurried to put her shoes down and place the post somewhere. He could be a disaster in the kitchen, and she didn't want him to burn their house down.

"What in god's name are ya doing here?!", she shouted and quickly turned the stove off. Whatever he did, it smelled horrible.

"Well- I have no idea.", he laughed and held her by the waist for a moment. They kissed shortly until she broke off to put the pan he used away.

"How was work?"

"Fine. Oh, Sue - she's my co-worker, invited us over. But we still need to talk about when."

"Okay, sounds good.", he kissed her head and started to brush his hands through her slightly messy hair.

"How was yar day Tim?"

"Wonderful. I finished the guestroom upstairs like you wanted me to."

"Well done", she kissed his cheek and smiled, "Should I make us something to eat?"

He drew a pout:" What about what I made?"

"Not even the cat would eat it", she laughed and playfully hit his arm, "I will cook us something actually eatable."

*

"Yes Honey.", Jude replied patiently to Julia talking to her on phone, "Of course." The little girl had so many things to say, it nearly drove her crazy. She just wanted to quickly talk to Kit. But she adored the girl so much, she actually didn't mind.

"Sweetheart, could ya pleeease give me yar father? I promise you, after talking to him I will listen to everything ya have to tell me, okay?"

She heard her little steps disappearing. Then Kit picked up the phone.

"Jude?"

"Hey! Your daughter is quite talkative."

"I know", he laughed, "But please; as if you mind. You two would chat all day if ya were together."

"Well- yeah. Right. Look, uhm, I called ya to ask if ya want to go with me and the children to this fall-festival-thing in the city this week?"

"What about Timothy?"

"He'll stay at home. I know ya don't want him near Thomas and Julia. I understand that."

Kit was quiet for a moment. "Bring him with ya if ya want. But-"

"I know. I know, okay?"

"Okay."

There was silence for a moment until both started to speak. "Are ya-" they laughed and stopped.

"Talk first", he offered, and she answered:" I'm wonderful. I have everything I want Kit."

"I'm glad. Really Jude, you deserve it."

"Thank you Kit. For everything."

"Don't. What happened happened, let's try to forget it and leave it behind."

Jude bite her lip. "Okay uhm...so...what about Wednesday?"

"Sounds great. See you then Sistah."

"Mister Walker?"

"Hmh?"

"Shut up."

She could feel him grinning at her words.


	7. Do you want to?

Timothy watched Jude walking with Kit's children. She held both kid's hand and from time to time looked down at them, checking if they were still there. It was nothing they ever really discussed: having children. He knew she couldn't from what she told him, and he felt like it was something she didn't like to talk about, so he never asked. Not that it would be very appropriate. They didn't even sleep together, so why talking about children? But he could see how her face lit up when she was with those two.

"Hey ya three! Don't run away!", Kit who walked next to him shouted and they stopped walking and turned around to them.

"There's a man who swallows knifes!", Thomas grinned excited and Julia nodded agreeing:" We want to see that!"

"Should they really see that?", Timothy asked, and Kit nodded, "I think it's gross."

"And I think ya two are pussies.", Jude shot back and bend down to be as the same level as the kids; "And you, you forget the word I said. Now, where's this man?"

Kit laughed as they disappeared again. "Unbelievable."

Timothy turned to him and smiled. "I didn't expect her to listen to us."

"Nah man, this woman doesn't listen to anyone but herself. But ya should know that. Ya have to live with her."

The older man laughed and looked for Jude and the kids in the crowd.

"Don't worry, she'll return to you. She obviously always does."

Timothy couldn't tell if he was insulting him or not. He guessed he was.

"I will never hurt her again. I swear it by my life."

"I don't give much on yar life.", Kit replied honest and watched the former priest. "ya weren't here to pick her up. Ya have no idea how much she suffered."

"Maybe I don't. But I love her. I...I want to marry her Kit. I left everything to be with her and I will stay at her side."

"I will kill ya if ya should hurt her."

"she promised me the same.", Timothy dryly mentioned, "She said something like that on our first date."

"Sounds like Jude. When do ya want to propose to her?"

"I don't know yet. So you agree with it?"

"Ya make her happy. That's all I want."

Tim smiled slightly. Maybe he would manage to show the other man after all that he wasn't as bad as he believed. He loved Jude so much, he would do everything to keep her from hurt.

*

Jude held the sleeping Thomas in her arms and walked slowly behind Timothy and Kit - who held Julia.

"Are you sure I shouldn't carry him Jude?", Timothy asked her for what felt like for the hundredth time.

She shook her head to not wake the boy and continued to walk. The two children were totally worn out by the long day.

They got back to Jude and Timothy's house and put the children down on the bed in the guest room. They convinced Kit to stay the night, so they wouldn't have to wake them up. Besides, it wasn't like they didn't have enough space.

The adults were sitting now in the living room playing cards. "Looser.", Kit teased Jude and gave her a huge grin.

"Shut up. I'm better than ya most of the time. "

"You're horrible at this Jude", Timothy mentioned and got up to fill his and Kit's wineglass ( - of course Jude didn't touch any alcohol - ).

"Don't be rude! I'm great at this!"

"Right." Timothy cupped her face and gave her a soft kiss, "You're wonderful." This smoothed her and she gave him a satisfied smile which he returned.

"Ehem, I'm still here", Kit cleared his throat, "Should I go and leave ya some space?"

"Don't be silly.", Jude snapped and reached for her soda, "But I-"

She couldn't finish her sentence as Julia came into the room. The girl seemed frightened. "Nana?"

"Yes Honey?", Jude got up and went to her.

"I dreamed bad. Please come with me?"

"Of course. Go ahead, I'll follow you in a moment Sweetheart."

*

"Jude's great with the children.", Timothy mentioned as he sat there with Kit, only a few minutes after the woman disappeared.

"Yes. At first she had some problems with them, but they love her. "

"Kit...I guess you know her better than I do in some things. You know, we never really spoke about it, but is it a big problem for her? I mean...she told me she couldn't have children."

"Well", Kit began, "she didn't talk much about it or her life before Briarcliff, but I know that it hurt her a lot, still does sometimes. Why don't ya speak about it with her? Do you want children?"

Timothy thought for a moment. Does he want children with Jude? It seemed bizarre to think about it now. "I don't want to hurt her or make her feel like she's less worth or something. We talked about it one day and I promised her that I want her and not someone else, that I'm satisfied with what she gives me. I mean that."

*

Kit and the kids left before lunchtime, so Jude and Timothy were alone again.

The conversations with Kit made Timothy think a lot. He couldn't help it, he had to speak about it with Jude. He just hoped he wouldn't hurt her too much.

„Jude?"

„Mhm?", the older woman looked up from the book she was reading.

"Can I...can I ask you something?"

His voice told her that something was troubling him. "Of course Honey. Ask me what you want." She hoped it wasn't something serious. But he should never feel like not being able to ask her something. Jude wanted him to open up to her - always about everything.

"Okay...uhm...Jude...It's about what you told me. "

She laughed softly at him and laid the book down:" I tell ya many things when the day is long."

"No, I mean what you said about...about not being able to have children."

"Oh", she looked down at the table and closed her eyes for a moment, "Yeah...what about it?"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes?"

"But you still have your...your uhm-"

"Period. Yes. Ya know that."

"But I don't understand then. Where's the problem?", Timothy was obviously confused.

"Tim-", Jude understood his trouble with this subject. He promised her that she was enough and she believed it, his curiosity was fine, but she still hated this subject. She tried hard to not answer harsh to him, as she was the one to allow this conversation and he deserved to talk about what was on his mind too, "-I hate talking about this, to be honest. It's very painful for me. I never wanted anything else but children. A family. But Casey...he...I told ya the story. He destroyed my plans. And believe me, if I were able to have children, I would already have some."

"So...you have tried it?"

Jude blushed. Timothy seemed so naive and childlike sometimes. Maybe it was just because he has never been with a woman. "Well...not really."

"How do you know then?"

"I...I haven't been very...careful. Many times not. Nothing ever happened. I trusted the doctors when they told me."

Timothy looked at her. It was something she loved about him. He would never look away or treat her like she was something to be ashamed of. Not even when she told him about her past.

"Would you...would you want to try it Jude?"

"Timothy...no Honey. I know you don't want to sleep with me, and to be honest, I got over not being able to have any children. I'm old Tim. Please just forget this."

But she couldn't. He offered her this, gave her if she wanted to or not, some hope. He could be right with his simple beliefs. But he could also be wrong, and she would be hurt over this again.

"Jude...I love you if we have children or not. You are everything I want. But I know this is everything you ever wanted. We could try it- maybe there will be a miracle. You can't know that."

"Tim...", he broke her off with a kiss and made her stand up.

"We wanted to wait Tim. Until we're married-"

"Fuck this. I don't think God will mind."

"Fuck...", she moaned into his kiss as he moved his hands over her back to her ass and squeezed it gently.

She would have waited for him, she loved him so much that she didn't mind. She had never expected him to even start this, but here he was, taking control over the situation.

"Take me upstairs...please", she begged and pressed herself closer to him.

He picked her up and carried her to bed where he placed her. He had never done it, never really, but everything felt so normal to him as if they had done it many times before.

*

Their lips collided as he moved inside her, tongues touching, the room filled with loud moans. He had never expected her to feel like this. Is was sin, heavenly sin and he wanted to do this forever.

"You're so beautiful, rare bird", his voice send shivers down her spine and she moved her hips up, meeting his.

Jude's lips were parted, and face was twisted from the effort and exhausted, she was panting and groaning, coursing, and screaming from time to time.

He thought it suited her in a way. Her nails dig into his back, her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Harder", the blonde woman moaned, and he did so. They came together a few minutes later.

*

"Jude", he kissed her temples, looking at the slowly fading scars there, wishing he could take them away with these kisses and put his arms around her to pull her closer. "I love you."

"I love ya too Tim.", she slightly turned to him to be able to kiss him, "This was wonderful. Thank ya."

"I have to thank you. You are truly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." She blushed at his compliment.

"Let's sleep?", she whispered and rested her head on his chest.

"Yes love. Sleep well."


	8. More time

Jude woke up still laying in his arms. For a moment she listened to his breathing and smiled. He had changed so much. This man wasn't the man she once knew. He was kind and gentle and cared about her. Yesterday was a surprise, it confused her in a way. He had been so eager to wait, to do this after marriage. But here they were, the morning after they first slept with each other. She just hoped he didn't have many hopes in her, something inside her told her that she will never have children, just as the doctors said. Why should Timothy be able to do something lots of men before him did not? But she didn't want to destroy his believes. He would realize it soon enough. Even if it wasn't the disease that kept her from it, then it would be her age.

"Why are you starring at the wall like that? Is it interesting?", she suddenly heard him whisper in a soft tone.

"Oh...Tim. I was just thinking."

"Mhm.", he kissed her head and sat up which made her let him go.

"Could we have breakfast in the garden again? The weather seems nice and I want to enjoy it before it gets reaally cold."

"Sure."

She kissed his cheek and got up to find some clothes and go to the bathroom.

*

Timothy dropped her off at work a while later. She could only laugh at the way he looked at her. Like a child that tasted sweets for the first time in its life. It was cute.

In the late afternoon he picked her up again and together they drove to the lake that was outside of the city. Both of them have never been there, but they decided they could have dinner there.

"It's beautiful here.", she mentioned while getting out of the car, "We should have come here earlier."

"Totally.", he agreed and took the basked out of the trunk. "Come love. Let's find a place to sit."

*

The dark-haired men supressed a laugher when he carried a half sleeping Jude inside the house. She had fallen asleep the way home and when they arrived, she insisted on just sleeping in the car as she was too tired to get up.

She mumbled something, but he couldn't understand it.

He laid her down and undressed her before he put her in her nightgown. Timothy put the blanket over her and kissed her forehead. "I'll be here in a moment. Just have to get our things out of the car."

*

They agreed with Sue on meeting Saturday. Jude and Timothy would come over in the late afternoon.

"Timothy? Do ya think I look good in this?"

He could immediately shout >yes<, but he still turned towards her and studied her. Jude had put on some light makeup, her hair flowing freely in its natural curls. She wore a light blue dress that ended shortly over her knees.

"Tim? Please say something?", she asked a little unsure now and played with her fingers.

"You...you look so beautiful Jude."

The blonde woman smiled and kissed him shortly. "Thanks. Should we go then?"

It was a twenty-minute ride with the car. Jude felt a little nervous. She never had many friends and visiting Sue and her husband made her feel uneasy.

*

"Sue! Hi-", both women hugged while the men shook hands.

"Judy! This is Mike my husband."

"Nice to meet you. Uhm- and this is Timothy...ya saw him-"

"Yes! It's so nice to finally meet you! Judy has been day-dreaming a lot about you-"

"Oh shut up Sue!", Jude blushed and laughed.

They went inside and the married couple made them sit down in the living room.

"You have a very nice house Sue.", Jude said as she looked around.

The women started to chat, and Timothy offered Mike to help him in the kitchen to give them and their conversations some space.

*

"You see love, it went well. There should have been no reason in worrying.", Timothy said as he kissed her head. "It was a nice evening."

"Yes it was", she replied with a yawn.

"Are you tired?"

"Mh-hm. I am. But Tim?"

"Hm?", he looked at her.

"I want ya."

A smirk came across her face and she cupped his face to kiss his lips. Timothy couldn't resist and laid his arms around her neck. They made love twice that night. It was far after midnight when they finally finished. Both were laying together, breathing heavily, and holding each other tightly.

"I love you.", Jude whispered and kissed him gently as she moved on top of him.

"I love you too.", he replied and moved his hands to her back as she rested her head on his chest.

He felt so much love for her right now, it was unbelievable. He never thought he could love a woman like this. How could he have not realized that she was the one? Church had never been something for him, he had craved to be loved and believed to have found in in god. All he needed was this woman by his side. And she had been in front of him all these years.

"Jude?"

"Yes?", she raised her head and smiled at him. He loved these big brown eyes.

"I'm so sorry."

"Why?", she softly brushed her fingers over the side of his face.

"You know why. What I did. I left you. You didn't deserve all this."

"Tim...it's okay. I deserved it. I have done horrible things. But it doesn't matter now. It's over and I just want to forget everything that happened. Please, let's try to get over it. "

He closed his eyes and bite his lips. "I can't stop to think about what you must have suffered through while being there so long. And it's my fault. I look at you and I feel so much love, I can't forgive myself for the pain I caused you."

The older woman didn't know what to say, or how to say it. She just looked at him and waited, for what she didn't know.

"These scars...", he gently trailed his fingers over the scars on her temples, "...they are just some of the examples. We never spoke about it, but I've watched you sometimes while sleeping. You were having nightmares, you tried to fight something that wasn't there."

She tensed at his words and he could feel the tautness in her.

"Tim- i don't want to talk about this. Please, I want to forget this. It's fine."

He sighed and nodded. He wouldn't force her to talk, it was her decision. "Okay love. Then let's sleep. I'm sorry."

Jude turned away from him and when he tried to touch her she moved further away. Maybe she needed more time until they were able to speak about it.

"Good night Jude."


	9. Sleepover

They haven't spoken about Briarcliff since that time. Timothy felt sorry for rushing her, he didn't want to open 'old' wounds. It was obviously too fresh for her. In his live years passed since then, but she had only been out there for what- a year? He didn't really know.

The weeks had passed and both of them seemed to fall in love more each day. Even Kit and Timothy managed to come around, Kit wouldn't question his feelings for Jude anymore and got easier with him being around his children. That was a huge relieve for the woman, it wasn't a problem to meet or eat together anymore.

Actually, Kit had allowed the kids to sleep at their house. Jude knew he had met a nice woman and she offered him to look after Julia and Thomas so he could have a date night.

"The kids will be here soon", Jude whispered into Timothy's ear as she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. He was busy reading the newspaper, but she had other ideas for how to spend the last 'free' hours.

"Oh?", he slightly turned towards her, "And now?"

Jude got on his lap and straddled him. "I need ya. Now."

"Well...then...", he put down the newspaper and grabbed her by the waist, " I can't let you wait, right?"

She had a grin on her face when he picked her up and lifted her on the table. Yes, this was definitely better than reading the news...

*

Kit arrived with the children just at the right time. Jude and Timothy had barely enough time to dress again and make everything look like nothing happened- but they managed it.

"And this is really no problem for ya two?", Kit asked once again as the children disappeared inside the house. Jude stood with him outside.

"Absolutely not, it'll be fun! Ya go out enjoy your time alone.", she smirked at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine! Then I'll see ya tomorrow."

*

At first they let the children play alone some time until Jude asked them to help her in the kitchen. Timothy watched them for some time. He silently begged god to allow them one of their own. It's rare to see Jude as happy as she was right now, no matter how hard he tried. Nothing special he could ever think about made her as happy as her standing in the kitchen, measuring flour and sugar with these children.

After eating they watched a movie together and then brought the children to bed. Jude sat between them and held the book. Her soft voice filled the room.

Timothy watched them from the door. He felt so sad for her. It was obvious how good she would be as a mother.

He was so busy watching them that he didn't notice her falling asleep with them. They looked so cute, so he turned off the light and left silently.

*

"Good morning sleepyhead.", Timothy laughed at Jude as she entered the kitchen. Her hair was messy and some makeup from yesterday smudged over her face.

"Morning", she yawned and poured some coffee into a mug.

"Are the kids still sleeping?"

"Yes. They are."

"Mhm.", he nodded and went over to her. She smiled and kissed him as he hugged her tightly.

"Are you okay Tim?"

"Yes.", he kissed her head. "Don't worry. I love you."

"I love you too."

He couldn't tell her how he really felt. It made him sad to see her so happy for just this short time. He would change it if he could.

"I have to leave soon, will you manage them on your own?", he teased and tickled her side. Jude laughed and tried to get away from him.

"Sure! Have fun at work.", she kissed his cheek, "Be nice. Don't give them too much homework."

"Oh please. I'm the nicest 'teacher' ever."

She laughed louder. Sure he was.

*

Kit picked his children up again half an hour before lunchtime. Jude offered him to stay with them, but he rejected and told her they had to go.

Now alone at home Jude filled Cookie's bowl with some food and pet her for a moment. She hated how silent the house suddenly became. It would still take some time until Timothy came back to her and she didn't know what to do. As she didn't want to eat alone she decided to cook later and go out for a walk.

*

Music filled the house when Timothy opened the door and walked inside. He put his shoes down and went in the kitchen.

It was getting dark outside - getting home took him longer than expected - and Jude had lit some candles. She was standing near the stove, her hips softly swaying to the music. And she was singing.

Not wanting to disturb her he waited by the door and continued to watch her.

"..when I say  
Oh pretty baby don't bring me down I pray  
Oh pretty baby come on and find you stay  
And let me love you baby let me lov-"

"Fuck! Timothy! How long have you been standing there watching me?!"

"Just some minutes", he laughed and went over to kiss her. "You look so beautiful Jude. And your voice is wonderful."

"Uhm...thanks", she smiled and patted his cheek. "How was your day?"

*

He held her in his arms and slowly moved through the room with her. She was a wonderful dancer and he had to apologize sometimes because he stepped on her feet. For her it was nice anyways.

"I love you", Jude whispered and kissed him.

They ended up on the couch, she on top of him. His hands moved to her back, their voices filled the room. When they came both started crying, not really sure why, it didn't matter actually. They were just happy to have each other.


	10. Crushed hopes

The days got shorter and so got Jude's hope once again. Since she and Timothy first slept together enough time passed, but there was nothing. Of course there was not. At first she had missed a period, but then it was there again, just a little late. The next she missed completely. She didn't give much to it, it was his dreams that now needed to be crushed. It wasn't like she didn't expect it, but it was late for her to go through menopause anyways. Her cycles have never been really regular anyways, but now it was obvious that something changed.

Jude thought she would wait some time more and then tell him. She didn't want him to keep on believing in this too long.

She had been waiting again for her period, the only thing now was, that it wasn't there again. So that's it, she thought, now at least I don't have to think about it again.

*

Timothy sat in the living room reading a book. Jude had waited more days to be sure, but as there was nothing she decided that she has to tell him.

"Timothy?"

Her voice was small, and he figured something was wrong. So he put the book down and turned to her. She stood in the middle of the room and played with her fingers. It was a nervous gesture, he had seen it several times before on her.

"I'm sorry", she managed to whisper before she broke down in tears. The younger man frowned and got up to walk over to her.

"For what rare bird? Everything is fine."

"No", she sobbed, "I'm sorry Tim, I can't give you children."

His heart broke for her. Why didn't she understand that it didn't matter to him? He just wanted to see her happy. "Jude...hey. I'm here.", he hugged her tightly, "It's okay. But isn't it too early to say? It's been just a few weeks. Many couples have to try a really long time-"

"I don't have that time!", her sobbing got louder now, "I never had that much time! There won't be a baby for me! There never will!"

"It's alright. Jude, love, please stop crying. I don't care, I want you, just you, it's okay.", he tried to comfort her as good as possible. He didn't want to ask her what made her so sure, she would have her reasons. He just pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "It's fine rare bird. I want you, just you. Nothing more."

She nodded and wiped her tears. So that was it.

*

Jude spend that day alone in their bedroom. Timothy left her her space and waited patiently. The next morning she was smiling again as if nothing had changed. He tried as much as possible to put his feelings aside and be there for her like she needed.

Hoping to make her think about something else he took her to the zoo. The weather was still nice - it was just terribly cold. But some coffee, hot chocolate and some kisses managed to make that up.

*

The phone was ringing. Timothy got up and went to it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Timothy. How are you?", Kit asked.

"I'm great, what about you and the children?"

"We're fine. Uhm, I'm just calling, because I thought we should talk about Christmas. I know it's still some time till then, but Jude asked if we want to come over and uhm- yes, we would. I just wanted to tell ya so ya could plan."

"Oh, yes sure! I'm glad, she'll be happy."

Maybe having them around would make her think about something else. Timothy started to feel bad for having brought it up in the first place.

He decided to get her some flowers and take her to a walk through the city.

*

Jude saw Timothy standing next to their car outside of the restaurant. She put on a smile and walked quicker. "Tim!"

She threw her arms around his neck and he spun her around. "Hey princess."

"Since when do ya call me princess?", she giggled and took the flowers he handed her. Pink rose. She loved them they were one of her favourites.

"Since you're my princess", he kissed her forehead as he wrapped an arm around her waist, "Come, let's walk for a while."

Jude wanted to complain, she was incredibly tired and just wanted to go home and sleep, but Timothy seemed to have something in mind, so she went with it.

For some time they walked through the city. It was exactly what she needed; to be out the house and spend time with him, even if it was just something simple as walking. They talked about many things and Timothy suggested they could get a second cat. Jude laughed at the name ideas he had.

The best thing about that day was that it started to snow as they walked together.

*

They got home pretty late after they decided to also eat something on their way. Jude went in the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers while Timothy went upstairs to change clothes and brush his teeth. She followed him a while later.

"Timothy?"

He laughed at her tired voice. He just changed into his pyjama and watched her laying down on the bed.

"I'm too tired for more moving", she whispered and closed her eyes. "Please help me get out of this dress."

"Sure love.", he went over to her and helped her undress. After that he went to look for her makeup wipes and started to take her makeup off. She laughed as he did so and grabbed his face to kiss him when he was finished.

"I'll be with you in a moment.", he said and went back in the bathroom to throw the wipes away. When he came back Jude had already fallen asleep. As careful as possible he pulled the bedsheets over her body and laid down as well.

*

The former man of the church woke up to a soft crying next to him. When he opened his eyes he saw Jude tossing herself around in bed.

"Jude", he murmured and reached for her, "Wake up. I'm here."

"No- no- it's not right-"

Timothy turned on the light on his nightstand and pulled her into his arms. As his lips met her forehead she opened her eyes and looked straight at him.

"Timothy", she gasped under heavy breathing.

"I'm here Jude. I'm here. Come, I'll hold you. Try to sleep more, I'm here." He stayed up the rest of the night and held her, praying that she would manage to sleep without these dreams for the rest of the night.

In the morning when she asked him if he had been awake all the time he shook his head and smiled, she shouldn't worry about him.


	11. One of many stones

Jude watched Timothy as he played outside in the garden with Kit's children in the snow. He seemed so happy. It hurt her that he couldn't have his own - that she couldn't give him that. They didn't talk about him again. He just promised her that he loved her and wanted just her, and she nodded. What could she have said?

But she couldn't deny he would be great around children. Since Kit trusted him with them they would spend more often time together and Tim soon became a good 'uncle'.

"Hey ya three! Come inside, I made some mot chocolate!", she shouted out of the door to the garden and went back in the kitchen. Soon they sat down there at the counter and drank. She kissed all of them on their cold foreheads.

"So...who wants to help me make some cookies?"

Both of the children volunteered. Timothy gave her a grin which she just ignored.

"Nana?", Julia suddenly asked and put down her mug.

"Hm honey?", Jude had just started to look for the recipe in one of the drawers and turned around to the young girl.

"When will you marry Uncle Tim?"

'Uncle' Tim nearly chocked on his hot chocolate and looked at Jude with wide eyes.

"Yes Timothy! When do you marry Jude?", Thomas asked now too and looked alternating at both of them.

"Kids...uhm-", Jude looked for something she could say. But they got a point. Timothy didn't propose to her yet, even though they already talked about it.

"Dad says that if two people love each other they marry and then have babies. But why don't you marry then? Don't you love each other? But why do you live then together and kiss?", Julia asked in a confused tone and looked at Timothy.

The dark-haired man smiled at her:" Of course we love each other. But we didn't plan our marriage yet. At first I need to ask Nana about wanting to marry me."

Thomas turned to Jude:" You want to marry him, right?" She nodded.

"Then marry now! See Timothy, she wants to!"

Both adults started laughing. The way these children thought was amusing.

*

Kit picked the children up in the evening again and went with in the city. He had offered Timothy and Jude to join them, but they decided to stay at home to have some time alone.

"I love you very much, you know?", Timothy suddenly said to her while they did the dishes.

"I know. I love ya too.", she shortly kissed his lips. "Don't let them make you feel like you need to marry me."

It took him a moment to answer:" Are we being sarcastic Ms. Martin?"

"Maybe.", she teased and earned a wet sponge in her face.

*

They sat on the veranda in the evening, both wrapped in a big blanket and hugging. Timothy tried to prevent that actually, but she insisted on wanting to be outside. That wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the weather.

"I don't want to sound weak love, but it's terribly cold. We should go back inside."

"But it's so beautiful here!", she drew a pout and hugged him tighter, "Please, just a moment more!"

"Fine.", he agreed, "But then we go. I don't want you to get sick."

*

"Do you want a drink Judy?", Sue offered her as she sat down in her living room. Both wanted to spend some time together as they became closer friends over the time working together.

"No Hun, I don't drink. But go on."

"Oh?", the brunette filled herself a glass and then sat down. A smile played around her lips, "Why? Are you uhm-"

"What? Oh no.", she laughed as she saw her expression, "No, I just don't drink that's all. What do you take me for?", she mocked, referring to not being married, as they talked a while earlier on the way there about it.

"Well, you seem deeply in love with Timothy. To be honest, I expected you two to rush into it."

Jude cleared her throat. Normally she loved about Sue that she just said what she thought, but right now it was objectionably.

"No. But...yes, actually yes. I mean, we thought about it, of course we did. But he's satisfied without and I'm glad he is. Cause uhm, I can't have children."

"Oh! I'm sorry Judy! I shouldn't have asked."

"Don't worry. Yar a friend, right? I can trust you."

"Of course!", Sue reached for her hand and looked at her, "I won't tell anyone."

"What about you and Mike?"

"Well-" Jude regretted asking. The look on the other woman’s face told her enough.

"You know what, let's just change the subject.", she quickly said and smiled, thinking about something they could talk about. "Have I told you about Timothy’s plans to get another cat and call her 'Muffin' ?"

*

Timothy placed the groceries he just bought on the kitchen table and started to unpack and sort them. For a moment he wondered where Jude was, but he decided to finish this first and then look after her. She had spent the afternoon with a friend and drove home by bus while he was busy with some things around the house and shopping.

When he was finished, he went upstairs calling her name.

"Jude?"

Her soft reply came from the small room they used to read. It was a comfortable place with two armchairs and a small chimney. She sat at the window with a cup in her hand. He suspected it was tea.

"Hey love.", the younger man sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, "How was your day?"

"It was alright", she replied and laid her head against his shoulder, "I'm sorry for returning so late."

"Don't worry.", he kissed her forehead. Timothy felt something was off, but he didn't know how to ask her. Normally she would just tell him, if she wanted to talk.

They sat together in silence for some time, both lost in their own thoughts.

It was Jude who broke the silence first: "I feel like we'll never be the same again. Something changed."

Timothy pulled her a little closer. "No Jude. Everything is still the same. I know you wanted to try and I feel sorry that it didn't work out, but I never measured your worth on it. It doesn't matter. We're still the same. It's us and Cookie. Oh, and soon Muffin."

She laughed. He was glad she did.

"I'm fine with another cat, but I refuse to call it Muffin."

"We'll see love, we'll see."

Jude put her cup down and kissed him. In that kiss he felt everything that went on in her, all the feelings she couldn't express in words. They would be fine, he knew it. It was just one of many stones on their way.


	12. Preparations

Time went by quicker that they thought. Christmas would be here soon, and Jude was clear when she told him she wanted to decorate everything - Timothy soon found himself busy putting fairy lights, Christmas balls and tinsel on every free place she could find. He thought it was a little too much, but she had fun and liked it, so he was okay with it.

Kit and the children would come over on Christmas eve to spend the night there, as they wanted to celebrate together. Jude couldn't think about spending it without them, even though Timothy had liked being just with her he understood how close she and Kit were and he didn't want to take that from them.

Today they bought the Christmas tree - and spend quite a while arguing on where it should stand.

"Jude- please, it doesn't matter! It's just the tree!"

"Just the tree?!", by now she had started to scream, "It's important!"

He could only roll his eyes. His head started hurting. She was getting on his nerves. Whatever it was, he always did it wrong in her eyes and she started to argue over it.

"You know what?! Then just do it alone!", he yelled back and left the room. Timothy had now lost his patience with her and decided to go upstairs and read something.

He already regretted just leaving her there alone when he heard her crying - but to be honest he was too annoyed by her attitude to comfort her now.

*

Jude apologized to him some time later. Of course he couldn't be angry at her for long, so both went downstairs and continued with the tree.

*

"Timothy?", Jude looked up from the recipe book she studied, "I have absolutely no idea what I could cook."

"It doesn't matter. Everything you cook is great."

"It needs to be perfect", her voice got a little weepy again, "I can't just cook something."

To avoid an argument he quickly picked up the book. "You know what rare bird, I'll just decide what you cook. This way you don't need to worry about it."

Jude nodded slightly and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "So?"

"This sounds nice.", he showed her a page, "What do you think?"

"It's basically fried vegetables in oil."

"It would be great with some olive bread! And some chicken."

"I think you're right. Good, then let's cook that."

Timothy was relieved she didn't argue on it. He watched her put the book away and then placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him. She sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Tim?"

"Hmm?"

"I love ya.", her lips found his.

"I love you too."

*

Timothy watched Jude from the window and waved her goodbye. She had wanted to go out with a few friends - he was horrible at remembering their names - and was picked up by them. As soon as she was out of sight he went upstairs to finally wrap her Christmas present and hide it on a better place. He really hoped she would like it.

*

Jude got home late, but he could feel that her mood changed for the better. She was smiling and held proudly several bags.

The one now in an angry mood was Timothy.

"Where the hell have you been all day?!"

"...shopping! I also got ya some new-"

"Do you think that's funny?!", he stood up from the chair he had been sitting on for a long time and went to her, "I was worried!"

"Calm down. Ya know I was out with friends."

"It's after 9!"

"And?! Am I yar child or what?!"

Timothy grabbed her hands. It was not really intended but he needed her to stay there and listen.

"I worry about you! You can't just stay away the whole day without telling me! What if something happened?!"

He didn't notice her trying to pull her hands away from him, but he instantly grabbed them harder.

"Tim- please let me go", her voice was shaking and only now Timothy noticed that he was hurting her.

"Rare bird- I'm so sorry!", he immediately let her go and wrapped his arms around her back. "I'm sorry Jude, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. Don't cry, please, I won't do it again. It's fine, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

*

The next days he spend being extra careful with the way he touched her. Timothy hated himself for hurting her. She seemed so fragile now, not like the woman from Briarcliff anymore. Of course, she was different as sister Jude. Then she ( your fault Timothy, he told himself, it's your fault) became Judy Martin again and was forced to spend such a long time there, treated like an insane person. Once again he wondered what would have been if Kit had not gotten her out of it.

She forgave him quick for it, it was just a angry reaction and he would never really hurt her. So soon they stopped speaking about it.

*

"Who's disgusting now?", the dark-haired man mocked as he watched his girlfriend dip her chips into a mug with chocolate.

"This tastes good!", she insisted and put more of it into her mouth.

"Uhm- sure.", Timothy laughed and shook his head. Well, she was old enough to decide herself what to eat, but in his opinion you just shouldn't put these kind of foods together.

She grinned and cuddled up to him as soon as she finished her 'meal'. He put his arms around her and kissed her head. "You are strange sometimes Jude."

"Excuse me?", she laughed and hit him playfully with her elbow, "I'm not! Ya should really try this."

"No thank you. I already tried your noodle-Nutella-milk-creation thing, and it was disgusting. I really love your cooking skills, but dear god, please never do these kind of experiments again."

"Pf. I think it tasted great."

"Sure.", he laughed at her facial expression and pressed a kiss on her cheek.


	13. Christmas

"Jude, honey, how long does it take to do your hair? We have to go soon, and I still need your help downstairs with the table."

Jude sighed at his impatient voice. She had only been in there for what; twenty minutes?

"I'll be with ya in a moment, okay? I promise it!"

"Fine! But just a moment."

When she stepped out of the bathroom five minutes later Timothy had to admit, that all the waiting he had to do while she dolled herself up, paid out. She looked stunning.

"Are ya finished starring?", she giggled and played with a strand of her golden locks.

He slowly nodded:" My god...you look..."

"Mhm", her lips came closer to his, but millimetres before they touched she pulled away, "Come. I thought we have to move a table."

*

They met Kit and his children half an hour later at the Christmas marked they had wanted to visit. After walking there for some time they wanted to go to Jude and Timothy and have dinner. This year everyone agreed on skipping church and just staying at home together.

Timothy watched Jude with a grin as she pulled her jacket tighter around her body and rubbed her own arms. Kit had just disappeared with the kids to get something hot to drink while they waited at the only free-standing table they could find.

He pulled her close to him and kissed her lips slowly. "Better?"

"Yes", she nodded in agreement and rested her head on his chest. The former man of the church slowly started to move with her in the rhythm of the music that played everywhere here.

A moment later the others were back, and they pulled away.

After emptying their punch they continued to walk through the crowd. Actually they had expected less people to be here today, but it didn't matter actually.

Jude just wrapped an arm around Timothy's waist, as Julia reached for her hand and pulled it. "Nana! Daddy doesn't want to come with me- but see! There's Santa Claus! I want to sit on his lap and-"

But the blonde-haired woman couldn't listen more to the little girls words. She looked up to where Julia pointed and felt for a moment taken back to the evening Mary Eunice looked her up in her office with Leigh Emer-

"Please excuse me", Jude managed to say and then rushed away.

"Wait! Jude! Where the hell is she going?", Timothy looked to Jude and wanted to follow her, but the other man held him back.

"I'll follow her and make sure she's okay, ya look after the kids. But do yar Jude a favour and don't go with the kids to the Santa."

"But-", he didn't get the chance to ask Kit why. Obviously Jude's reaction was caused by this man that dressed up like Santa - he just had no idea what was wrong with that. Children loved him, and so did Kit's. When he told them that they wouldn't go to him, they started to complain.

"Okay listen you two; I think I've seen a stand with sweets somewhere. Let's go there and see what we can get for you..."

*

Kit and Jude joined them a few minutes after they got some sweets. Timothy could tell she had been crying, but when they stood together again she laughed as if nothing happened. He would have to ask her - or Kit - what this was about, but not today. He wanted her to have fun and not think about something that made her sad.

*

Timothy held her in his arms. They just finished their second, as quiet as possible, round of love making. With a hand he gently brushed some wet blonde hair out of her face and kissed her sweaty shoulders.

"Do you think they heard something?", she whispered and turned her head to look at him.

"No, we've been really quiet. The walls aren't that thin."

"Okay", she kissed him softly before laying down next to him. "I love you. Good night Timothy."

"Good night rare bird." He watched her fall asleep before he relaxed to drift off as well. They have had a nice evening, the incident at the market stayed the only thing that interrupted their happiness.

*

When he woke up Jude was gone. For a moment he looked around then he heard the toilet flushing.

"Good morning", Jude said as she stepped out and noticed that he was awake, "Did I wake ya?"

"No, you did not. Merry Christmas rare bird."

"Merry Christmas", she crawled into the bed and kissed him softly, "Let's go downstairs and see if you behaved and some presents are under the tree."

"Oh please. I'm an angel."

She laughed and pulled him out of bed with her. Soon both were dressed and went downstairs where they found Kit with the children in the kitchen.

"Merry Christmas!", Jude happily kissed all of them on the cheek and hugged them.

"Can we open the presents now?", Julia turned begging to her father who nodded:" Yes."

The children quickly let their breakfast fall onto their plates and ran into the living room to unpack their presents. The adults followed a little slower.

"Look Nana! It's a doll! Her dress is beautiful!", Julia shouted loudly and showed Jude proudly her new doll.

"A doll? Really Kit, ya make her soft", she laughed and turned to him, "I thought we agreed on her playing with other toys."

"Oh please Jude. The doll is great", Timothy interrupted and sat down next to Thomas who needed help with the train he got.

After some time Kit went in the cellar, when he came back he held a box in his hands. Luckily Timothy was still busy with Thomas and the train, so Jude took it in her hands and sat down on the couch with it.

"Honey? Tim?"

Finally he looked up. "Hm?"

"I think ya want yar present?", a grin spread across her face and she held up the heavy box a little, "Or would ya rather play longer with the train?"

He immediately got up which made her chuckle. "Come here and open yar present."

Timothy took the box from her lap and placed it on the floor.

"Jude...you really did...", he muttered as he opened it and looked inside, "It's adorable."

Out of it he took a small grey cat.

"Look at her collar."

"Jude! You're the best!", he laughed and let the animal slowly to the floor, "You actually called her Muffin!"

"Of course. Ya wanted that, right?"

He kissed her. "Thank you Honey. Now to your present..."

He took her present he had laid under the tree and gave it to her with a smile. "It's probably not as good as the cat, but I tried my best to find something you would like."

"Of course I will", Jude kissed his cheek and then unpacked. "Aww Tim!" She held up the necklace he got her. It was silver with light blue crystals and just looked wonderful. There were also matching earrings. "Thank you Timothy!"

They spend the rest of the morning together until Kit and the children left to go home. Jude suspected that the woman Kit has been seeing for some time now would come over, but if so he didn't tell her. She hoped he finally found someone he liked, he deserved to have someone who made him happy too.

*

"This was probably the best Christmas ever", Timothy mentioned from the couch where he sat with Muffin on his lap. The little cat already became friends with Cookie, who obviously enjoyed having another of her kind around.

Jude grinned at him and nodded:" Yes. It was wonderful. I have never spent my Christmas as great as with ya."

He smiled and waved her to come to him. She hugged him and rested her head on his shoulder. "I love you Timothy."

"I love you too Judy." Normally he didn't call her that, but when he did it seemed to be so gentle and loving.

"Put the cat down. I have another present for ya."

"Hm?", he raised an eyebrow at her.

Jude got up and started to undo the buttons of her dress.

"Jude!", he laughed, "Not in front of our cats!"


	14. New Year

"Kit? Hi, here's Timothy.", he had made sure that Jude was really gone. He couldn't afford her to hear him talking to Kit.

"Hey Timothy. How can I help ya?"

"Well- there's something I need to talk about with you, but Jude can't know..." What Timothy Howard didn't know was that only a few days ago Jude had a similar conversation...

*

For New Year Timothy and Jude decided that they just wanted to be for themselves. They decided to just stay at home and maybe watch a movie, dance, and play some games.

Jude planned on surprising him in the evening with their favourite food - Coq au vin. She didn't cook it very often but thought that today would be perfect for it. 

*

They both sat together in the living room and listened to some music. Timothy petted the cats while Jude read a book next to him. After some time she got up and went into the kitchen.

"Do you want me to help you?", he asked after a minute and looked up to see if she needed something.

"No no, continue to give yar cats love. I don't want ya to ruin our dinner."

"Pf.", he laughed. But to be honest, she was right. His poor attempts to cook something never ended good. The only thing he actually managed to do was waffles - whatever he did with her recipe, they always tasted better than hers. He swore he did it exactly like written down, but she secretly couldn't believe that.

Timothy smiled to himself and let the cat down to go in the cellar and get a bottle of wine for them. Normally Jude didn't touch alcohol - well, she did on his birthday, both he made sure that she wouldn't drink more than one glass - but he guessed they could make an exception for today. It was after all New Year’s Eve and one glass wouldn't do much harm.

After putting the bottle into the fridge and shortly kissing her neck which made her giggle, he went upstairs.

*

"Timothy?", Jude called as she finished setting the table. God knew where he was again. She sighed and went back into the kitchen to get their food and carry it in the living room.

"Yes- I'm here. Sorry.", she heard him coming down the stairs.

"Finally.", she kissed his lips and made him sit down at the table.

"You're an angel Jude.", he commented as he saw what she cooked.

The older woman laughed and and put some of the food on his plate. "I know. I'm wonderful."

She sat down on her chair and watched him for a moment before she reached for the salat. "What have you done all this time?"

"Surprise.", he grinned and watched her putting food on her plate. "What's up? Is it cursed or something, or why are you just eating the salat?"

"Tim-", she bite her lips and started to play with her fingers. Now Timothy knew something was wrong. "I-I...I have a surprise too..."

It took him a moment to put one and one together as she pushed something small over the table. A pregnancy test.

"Jude- wait...does that mean..."

With tears in her eyes she got up and hugged him tightly. Both couldn't manage to say more. Timothy felt overwhelmed by her news and just started to kiss her. It only took him a moment until he found himself crying too.

"Are ya happy?", she managed to ask under happy sobbing and cupped his face, their lips only a few millimetres away from each other.

"Why are you even asking rare bird? Of course! This is the best surprise ever- I...I can't tell you how happy I am for us...Jude...you're wonderful. So so so wonderful!", he kissed her again and pulled her onto his lap.

So many things were going on in his brain right now, he didn't know where to start asking.

"Jude...but...I don't understand...you told me..."

She laughed and brushed some golden curls out of her face:" I know what I told ya. And at first everything was standing clear for menopause - until I found myself having this horrible morning sickness. I couldn't talk about it with ya, so I asked Kit for help. I was scared that I could be wrong...but as you see it wasn't!"

Timothy kissed her again, so passionately that Jude moaned into the kiss. "Oh Jude...Jude, my wonderful, beautiful Jude...", he whispered and moved his hands to her hips, "I'm so happy, I love you..."

She moved her hands to his shoulders and broke the next kiss to look at him. "I love ya too Tim. This is all I ever wanted. Thank you."

He kissed her again shortly:" I told you Jude. I knew it rare bird, something told me all the time we would manage it."

After another kiss she sat down on her own chair again. "Now eat, I spend lots of time making this."

The younger man laughed and watched her for a moment more. Even though he loved her cooking, the food was the last thing he thought about. They would have a baby. It still felt unreal.

*

"So...that means no wine to celebrate", he mentioned as he opened the fridge to put in some leftovers from dinner.

"Well, no", she laughed and watched him from the counter, "But ya drink yar wine and I have some chocolate."

"Sounds great.", he kissed her cheek and took her hand to guide her into the living room.

There they sat down together, Jude slightly on top of him, her hands wrapped around him and her head resting on his chest.

Slowly, Timothy stroke her back. "I can't believe all this Jude."

"Neither can I Tim", she replied softly and looked at him, "But I am afraid."

"Don't be. I'm here with you Jude, we'll manage all this.", he kissed her head and then pulled her a little closer again. "How...how far are you? Do you know that?"

Jude shrugged "Well, it got a little confusing with my period to be honest. I'm not sure, but I think it must be something around 5 and 8 weeks. I'm not completely sure, but it's what makes sense the most."

"Okay love.", he kissed her head again. She loved it when he did that.

They stayed there for the rest of the evening. A few minutes before midnight he made her stand up and gave her a coat, so they could go outside and watch the fireworks. It was the most beautiful evening both ever had, especially when Timothy dropped down on his knees as the sky was filled with colourful patterns.

"Jude?"

She couldn't believe her eyes. It felt like a dream.

"Would you do me the honour and become my wife?"


	15. We'll be there

It's been two weeks since Jude said yes to Timothy. They were as happy as they could be and spend as much time as possible together.

Today Jude took a day free from work as she had an appointment with a women's doctor. Both hoped that there someone would be able to tell them how far she is into this pregnancy.

"Honestly Tim, I think we both must have been a little blind. Do ya see how fat I am?"

"....", Timothy blankly looked at her, "If that's your definition of fat, then I don't know what you'll say in a few months. You aren't fat, there's practically no change at all. Can't you just take one random dress so we can finally go?"

"Of course not!", she shouted and shot a last look into the mirror before she went back to her closet, "I look fat in all this- it's ugly!"

"Oh god.", he rolled his eyes, "Jude, that's not true. How many times do I have to tell you how beautiful you look until you believe me?"

"Until I look beautiful again!"

He couldn't help but laugh. They have had this conversation several times in the last days. "Come love, I'll choose something for you to wear and then we'll go, okay?"

He picked up a black skirt and a tight red shirt. It looked stunning on her and literally nothing showed off that she was pregnant. He only saw it, because he knew it and had seen her naked before, there was barely anything noticeable. Timothy noticed that she had put on some weight but that was it. Not that it mattered to him, she always looked beautiful.

*

"Mr. and Mrs. Howard!"

Jude grinned at him as they called for them. She liked that people thought they were a married couple.

Both got up and went into the room they were guided to.

"I'm so nervous.", she admitted quietly and reached for his hand, "I never thought this could happen to me."

He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. "I know love."

A few minutes later a female doctor entered the room. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Howard? How are ya today? I'm Mrs. Jones. How can I help?", she sat down behind her desk.

"Uhm, actually it's Ms. Martin", Jude mentioned smiling, "Well, we're here for the check-up. I already explained to-"

"Ah yes.", the doctor said as she studied the sheet Jude had to fill in a while earlier, " So how far do ya think ya are?"

"Well...I'm not sure. Now it might be something around 6 or 8 weeks?"

"May I ask if ya planned on getting pregnant?"

Jude smiled and looked shortly at Timothy. "Yes."

"I have to admit Ms. Martin, this is highly unusual. Were you both informed about the risks that come with this pregnancy?"

"I knew it wouldn't be easy. It was a huge surprise that it worked, to be honest."

The doctor nodded:" Ya will have to really look after yarself the next months. So, do you have any more questions before we go on to the ultrasound to take a look at yar baby?"

"No, I don't think so.", Jude shook her head. She already spend lots of time on reading about this subject and felt like there was nothing she didn't know.

"Okay, then please lay down and lift up your shirt."

She shivered as the doctor put some cold gel on her stomach. Only a few minutes later Timothy and Jude looked at the monitor that showed their child.

"You see? There it is.", the Doctor Jones pointed at a small dot on the screen.

"Timothy", Jude grabbed his sleeve, "Gosh...look...our baby..."

"Yes love, our baby", he kissed her forehead, "Well done Judy, well done."

*

Timothy made Jude lay down on the couch when they got home. Her Doctor had been very clear about some things; Jude needs to lay down a lot and rest, she wasn't allowed to lift something heavy and should stay away from stress as much as possible. He knew that he would have to argue a lot with her about these things in the future.

"Timothy?"

"Yes love?"

"Could ya please bring me something to drink?"

"Of course.", he was glad she asked him and stayed on the couch. He quickly got her some water and then looked for a blanket to make it more comfortable.

She fell asleep just a few minutes later.

*

Jude rubbed her eyes when she woke up again. Her back felt worse than before the nap, maybe she should have gone to bed instead.

"Tim?", she mumbled and got up, the blanket still wrapped around her body, "Where are you?"

She heard talking in the hallway. So she quietly waited at the living room door hoping she could catch something from what he said.

"I need to go now. So I will hear from you again?"

A moment later he put the phone down again. "Jude? You're awake. I'm sorry, I didn't want to be too loud."

"No, don't worry. It wasn't ya. By the way, who was that?"

"Oh uhm...", Timothy scratched his head, "My mother."

"I thought ya don't talk to her anymore?", she frowned.

"I actually don't. But a while ago I received a letter from her. I just needed to call her."

"Is everything okay?", Jude asked concerned as his expression got a little more serious now.

It took him a moment to answer. "My sister died."

The blonde woman opened her mouth and then closed it again. Sister? He never mentioned he had a sister. All she knew about his family was, that he wasn't very close with them. She knew he had a mother who didn't want him to go to America and become a priest. But that was it.

"Tim...I'm sorry.", she hugged him slowly and now he started to cry. "Ssshh, I'm here. I'm here Tim. Come, let's sit down. I will make ya a tea and then we can talk, okay?"

She made him sit down and then went into the kitchen. Jude felt bad for him. "Okay, here's yar tea Tim."

"Thank you.", he replied softly and wiped away his tears, "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"No honey, it's fine. I'm here.", she sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "I love ya, ya can always talk to me."

The dark-haired man nodded and took a deep breath. "She died a few days ago. My mother just told me. I...I feel horrible. I haven't seen her since she was a child."

"I'm sorry Tim."

"No...it's okay.", he sighed and finished the tea, "...my mother asked me to be at her funeral."

"Of course. We will be there Tim. Tell her that."


End file.
